This being the beginning of the New Year, I of course honor the tradition of unattainable resolutions. In that spirit I told Dr. S. today that once and for all I want to lose weight. I told him I hate myself, am disgusted with myself, don't recognize myself etc. You get the idea. I also told him that I compulsively seek out fat people in crowds. Just to loathe. He came up with a brilliant idea. Losing weight at this critical juncture would be the absolute worst thing to do, because it would buy into the lie that I'm not worth loving. I said, but being fat makes me want to kill myself. It's like, going blind would make me want to kill myself. Or being in a wheelchair. The latter two being number 9 and 10 on my scale of suicide-worthy scenarios. Being fat number 2. So, it's like saying blind people don't deserve to live? Like we might as well just round them all up and shoot them? This is not what I'm saying, I said. I just want to lose weight. I'm tired of being fat. All he said was, we have a lot of work to do.
Ya, you're not saying you loathe the blind but if it was you that was blind, you might be self-loathing. Very different than saying round 'em up. I'd imagine it would take courage facing everyday blind...similiarly (not diminishing the blind) being anything 'different' than the norm because 'people' receive you as 'different' with their limited perceptions...when they only see you on the surface. Not like you don't know all this already.
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