Peace

Dr. S., whose socks I haven't commented on in a long time, reminded me on Tuesday, when I felt like I had squirted a large lemon into my eye, that all I need to do is be playful and lighthearted. It took the Buddha years under a tree. But I just needed a kind word, 2 minutes and an iced latte. I've been playing ever since and life has been a breeze. As Bhagavan Sri Ramana Maharshi said to his student who wanted peace: Take away the I, take away the want, and you are left with peace.

Handstands are Overrated

What is it with people walking into a beginner's yoga class and first thing they do is a handstand? For some reason it irks me to death.

Gay Fruit

Funny, how all the little Latino fruit stands inadvertently celebrate gay pride with their rainbow-colored umbrellas. I celebrated my own gay pride today as I listened to John Waters talk about irony. Irony is elitism, he said. In Albania there is no camp. Where people are suffering, there is no such thing as it's so bad it's good. Wise words, my friends.

A Case of Nasty

So I said, when I saw the gift, which was actually awesome, despite looking like a clown dildo, "I thought it was, uhm, I thought it was, uhm, it looks like .... something NASTY." What the #$%&? Do I have Tourette's or something? Am I 5 years old? I must apologize. Or will that make it worse? What would Miss Manners have to say about blurting out stupid shit to well-meaning, gift-giving awesome people who have no reason for said gift other than being totally cool and nice and awesome... and yours truly is a total idiot for even using that word in any context. I mean, what a stupid-ass, Janet Jackson-ass kinda word is this anyway? Nasty. I need help.

Boho Boohoo

I just read somewhere on the stupid MSN.com that peasant tops are so Sienna Miller 2005. What the feck? I just got three, and my dear compadre, the beautiful D. wore one last night, and she is a style queen who knows what's up! Or maybe it's just the boho chic mom outfit du jour because the cotton breathes so nicely and absorbs toddler slobber so well. Ah, who cares. I'm rocking one as we speak.

New Shoes, Baby!

Baby's got new shoes so to speak. Butterbaby needed a new outfit, so she got one with hipster birds. She hopes that doesn't scare away her 1.29999 readers. It was time to update to a more stylish template, folks. Plus, all that blogroll crap or whatever it's called should be on the right, because that stands for the future in the brain, whereas the left is female and thus passive. Or something. My brain is zippadeedooda-ing today.

Coffee is No Joke

I. just told me he read that coffee prevents diabetes. Very cool. All I have to do now is to continue imbibing and I can stay fat. Yeehaw.

Truffle Suffers Bed Bugs

Karma has bitten the chocolate truffle in the ass. I overheard him and another man talk about the truffle's bed bug problem. He has bed bugs! He must have imported them from France. Hehe.

Hello Wine

Hello Kitty sells wine now. Greater souls have blogged it well. Just thought I should mention it. Hope it's as good as the Ed Hardy sangria. Hey, I'm NOT kidding.

Anxiety Eats Your Brain

I should sue anxiety. Anxiety killed my sense of humor. Anxiety is a double murderer because it also killed my joi de vivre. I'm feeling mighty litigious. I've never thought about it before, but I really think I have a good case against it. It should get at least life without parole.

Interns

Interns are making my life miserable with their lack of education, common sense and attention span. Pay feckin attention when talking to me and don't uload a paragraph that says ??? or a sentence reading: the XYZ hotels opens in 2008. No, the problem is not that it should be "is opening." The problem is that it's feckin 2010 already!

Free English!

Let it be known that as of today, June 8, 2010, I will give up all claims of having perfect grammar skills and writing proper English. I will get with the times and TTYL, go OMG when necessary and even LOL. I will stop capitalizing proper nouns like paris and jacuzzi and t rex and hyphens will have to eay shit too. so do commas and em dashes and quotation marks and really any kind of punctuatiuon whatsoever i will also stop caring about transposed letters and typos can go feck themselves too the entire english language is up for anything goes partty animal hey i'll take it any way i can get it because i am as of today an idiot no i did not get my citizenship but i have decided to lower my standards just to make life easier for myself. hey if ulysses can do it or was that james joyce. whose the writer and whose the book?ah who cares!!!!!!!!

Merry at the Marriott

Palm Springs is for desert foxes, golfers and gay bikers. Not for this mamasita. Especially when holed up at the JW Marriott in 108 degrees without a mojito or an air conditioned suite to escape to. Yes, the enire "city" (collections of resorts, a Ralphs and a Starbucks) was without electricity during half of our stay, which is a REALLY LONG TIME. Complete claustrophobia. Nothing like being stuck in the desert without espresso. And sparkling water. And an A/C. Other hotel guests (said desert foxes) seemed unfaced, concerned as they were showing off their perfectly sculpted and starved bodies in the "drunks pool" and at the bar, where you could still get a Corona---only if you showed ID when looking under the age of 38! Unreal. Strict Marriott policy, which is idiotic because the day before they did not care and did not ask for IDs, so they are being inconsistent motherfuckers. And may I add "inconsiderate," being that it's feckin 100 plus in the shade and my toenails are curling themselves to a crispy frie.