Alas, my first entry of the new decade is not brilliant. I spent the day in a parallel universe, observing my life from a distance and holding on tight to the rope of my sanity. Must be the blue moon. Yesterday, as I traipsed through Descanso Gardens in agony, I reminded myself: this is good. This is my life. Here I am with my gorgeous child, surrounded by camellias wet with rain, columns of sunlit mist rising from the humid earth. Yet it felt false. Today, I felt an emptiness that started at my chin and expanded down toward my lungs and heart. A vacuum of detachment. I've been waiting so long for now to happen. And now that it's here, I have to remind myself that I am really alive, that this is really me and not some android going through the motions. Ah, the moon, Salome. It looks like a dead woman.
We must get together soon. We must remind one another to be ... to let go ... to exist and find grace in that alone.
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