The Yield of Magical Thinking

I think I've been indulging in magical thinking as a coping mechanism. Not the Didion kind of magical thinking but the other kind, where you think angels or fairies are coming to your aid and just by thinking something you can make things happen, like bringing down a Boeing 747. When Milan and I were both very sick last week and I couldn't survive without a steady influx of Xanax, S. was saying that I was "being cleared" for something better. Now that is Abraham Hicks speak and I didn't really buy it. But, in retrospect, I feel lighter somehow (maybe it's the seven pounds lost due to heavy-duty vomiting) in my body, the way I felt after Obama won, like not just me but everyone had a spring in their step. I feel lighter still and I feel also like there's been a major shift of consciousness, like now there's actually the possibility of ever being skinny again. And yes, the spirit guides have been helping. They come in my dreams and they open doors in my heart and sweep them out, and I cry when I hear music, and not just Beethoven's Ninth, but almost any music, like Where is Thumbkin. And now that Milan has a fever of 104.3 and there’s the possibility of pneumonia, I feel, no I trust, that spirit will make it all OK somehow.

Note: magical thinking is nonscientific causal reasoning that often includes such ideas as the ability of the mind to affect the physical world, correlation equaling causation, the law of contagion, the power of symbols, and the meaningfulness of synchronicity.