Trees Don't Poop

Best quote of the month. A. to M. this morning: Trees don't poop!

Hey! I'm Grateful, too!

A. and S. are ATHEISTS and therefore won't be eating the BODY of christ or drink his sacred BLOOD. Nor will they ask JESUS to save them and forgive them all of their sins. They will however, stand around a shrine of the Virgin de Guadelupe and do TEQUILA shots, and eat TAMALES and look earnest.

This Is Your Brain on Baked Goods

A. baked something not for general consumption yesterday. At one point he ate a chunk and reported he felt nothing, saying it's probably safe for me to have a little corner piece. Next thing I know I'm awake in an acid trip, my body turning into coils, which turn into maggots, which turn into snakes that I fold into a bouquet and beg my mom to kill by sticking them, head first, into a pot of boiling oil, searing their eyes. Then I swirled and twirled and almost became my bed until I had the will power to rise, surrounded by blind white eyes and the furtive steps of ghosts, to wake Abe and tell him to either call 911 or feed me a Xanax, stroke my back and not stop talking for a second, about beautiful things and love and peace. I fell asleep and today I'm walking on the egg shells of my self.

Holiday Artists

Nothing like getting out of a less-then-good-Thanksgiving slump than chatting over wine and the setting sun with David Hockney's best friends and artists and people married to or dating artists in general. Tis the season to be merry after all!

Hair

I got my hair cut today. And cut. And cut. And cut. At one point she said long hair is just pointless, because it just hangs there. Personally, she said, she really likes bobbed or short hair. And really, I would look much better, "fresher", with my hair, say, "to here." But "hair," I said "hair is a celebration of life, a love letter to freedom, and a passionate cry for hope and change!" Just kidding.

Fat on TV?

Butterball-size numbers on the scale require drastic measures such as applying for a reality TV show boot-camp make-over. Wish me luck, fellow size Ls! I Googled the host and she has a reputation. Good. Show no mercy. The inner pig will eat up the abuse while the toity leftie princess will quaff and quote human rights.

Fat Again

Sorry to say, I cannot keep the fat entries at bay. They just keep coming. Like last night at the show, when I split into two people: The one enjoying the band, hanging with good friends who like me despite being fat and seeing A. rock out. And the person who worried the whole time that certain persons in attendance were furiously whispering about how fat A's wife had gotten, soooo fat indeed that at first glance they stared at her with incomprehension, just a nanosecond, just long enough to make her realize what was going on.