Bad Things

My Mom's advice: Just don't think about "bad things." OK.

Thanks, Daddy Dearest

You know, on the recent pictures you sent, you actually look almost like your old self again, you know, kind of pretty, almost one could say, you may have lost some weight. Not like you looked bad before, just not so, you know, attractive, like recently with the weight and whatnot.

Brilliant Weight Loss Idea!

My Dad today had the following, never-before-heard-of, weight-loss suggestion: you simply eat fewer calories than your body needs. So, basically, you eat fewer calories every day than what your caloric needs are. And you can also eat foods with fewer calories. Wow! Amazing! Armed with this brilliant piece of advice, nothing stands between me and a Posh Spice body!

My Pretty

I finally gave in to my suspicion and flat out asked my parents if they have been treating me differently, or like me less, since I gained weight. My Dad said he had to put the tiramisu into the refrigerator and my Mom said: We still like you. It's just that you're less pretty now.

Can you say Uhgwah?

I wonder if this is a national phenomenon or just limited to the greater Silver Lake/Echo Park/Eagle Rock area: parents teaching their toddlers to say "agua" instead of water. I had to ask and was told it's cause it's just easier to say than water. And I thought "wadder" was already pretty easy to say---say as opposed to the more proper British "waTer," but I was wrong (of course, I'm always wrong). But why stop there? Isn't pan easier than bread? And so forth?

Bud Wise

Don't know why it bothers me when parents call their little toddlers "bud." Maybe because it reminds me of unctuous men slapping each other on the back in false camaraderie. The way it bothered me when in the beginning A. called Milan "the kid" instead of "my son" or "our baby".