Happiness

Welcome, mania, my dear friend. You haven't been around for a while. Today you popped in with the wind. I inhaled and exploded into sunshine. Bright yellow flowers grow in the west and in the east, happiness is an autumn day. Hikes exploring wild sage and rose quartz rocks. The sweet, milky smell of Milan in the morning. Smiles from ear to ear. Love bursting at the seams. Who needs a doctor?

Top 10 in July

1. Dennis Hopper at MOCA
2. Champagne cocktails
3. The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck
4. Soccer on the new TV
5. Mucha above my desk
6. the arrival of the "sausages"
7. dreaming of rain
8. floral prints
9. purple-red lips
10. foie gras

Neck in Question

I wonder if wearing a heavy, knotted, silver, long necklace makes my face look thinner. I wore it this morning and A. said I look nice!

Fat Compliment

Yesterday, as I exited the office building, the OTHER doorman started talking to me. The short Mexican one who is super friendly and always smiles and waves in a kind manner. We chatted and introduced ourselves. Then he said: I didn't know you had a baby. I saw your car seat. You don't look like you have a baby. I asked him why I didn't look like someone who had a baby, figuring it must be because I work with G. or because I wear high heels or look business-womany somehow. And he said, as the golden light of God shined down on us and illuminated us like two holy figures on the Ganges river: You're not fat. Most woman who have baby, they are fat like me. You look good. I almost floated to my car. My feet didn't touch the ground, so silly felt I. What a totally random, silly, untrue thing to say. But how sweet! I am NOT fat in the eyes of I-already-forgot-his-name-but-will-always-remember-his-eyes!

Rock Stars

Milan is officially a little boy. The other day, I found a small rock in the dryer. He must have had it in one of his pockets. Ah, to be 2 1/2 years old!

Argh

Feeling a bit funky after the initial Abilify ride. No gotten used to being the driver of this fast new little vixen. But when feeling down, look up. At the possibilities. Oh, Hallmark. To have a child! Light of God shine on.

Got Sleep?

Sleeping with Milan in the Middle last night was so worth it, feeling his hot little feet pushing into my back. My face smushed against the wall. Not being able to turn. Hearing every sniffle. But then at 6 am, when I was greeted with an eskimo kiss and two hugs, it was even more worth it. Priceless.

Getty Jack

Going to the Getty was fabulous for several reasons: Rembrandt exhibit, gardens in bloom, a boy knitting a red sweater and running into Jack Black. Was a weird moment. He looked like a friend and he was smiling at us from the stairs. When I came up the brief flight, I said "aaaagh" or something and he said "hey." He was with his little toddler and so were we. Cool dads. Funny.

Abilify Me

Legalize it. Don't criticize it. Yah, mon, just found out that my new friend is yet another "antipsychotic." But it makes me engage people in small talk. And I crack jokes with car rental people. And I smile at the garbage collector. And I look at the bright side of feckin everything. In just a week! So? Yeah, so, hey Bristol Myers (I thought they made ham!?), if you pay me enough, I'll tweet about it!

Happy Thoughts

Holiday Artists

Nothing like getting out of a less-then-good-Thanksgiving slump than chatting over wine and the setting sun with David Hockney's best friends and artists and people married to or dating artists in general. Tis the season to be merry after all!

Happiness is a Butter Dish

As I happily reported to Dr. S today, I woke up feeling happy. After seven days of almost total anhedonia, I feel like a normal human being ready to do stuff, such as exercise, by an onion and leeks, get shit done (see adventure in Glendale below) and not want to stab myself in the eye. Total figure of speech. Totally. Dr. S, also happily, in his South Indian accent, agreed that I seemed less "bummed out." I was startled by the colloquialism from this elegant, erudite and eloquent man, but I let it slip. Then he quoted in Hindi a yogi, who recommends not wasting your heart on the many, i.e. shallow, meaningless exchanges with lots of acquaintances, but lavishing your love on the few. Like the yellow butter dish from www.anthropologie.com. Alas, the yellow one is already sold out.

Mania

The manic phase has begun. I'm a genius. I am so happy I could burst. Flowers pop everywhere, almost turning into sounds. Sounds turning into colors turning into words turning into lines that form Matisse paintings that bleed into Dali landscapes that make my arms itch with joy and it all brings me closer to the abyss, because you cannot fly to the sun and expect not to be burned.

Moths Ate My Shirts

Laundry broken, almost got fired, moths ate my shirts, no phone, got ripped off my AT&T, the plumber... car problems, got really sick...but I'm really really happy.