In anticipation of Dr S.' arrival back from his month-long meditation retreat in India, I broke two tablets of R in half and then in half again (cause he’ll be there to catch me if I fall). Immediately I'm riddled with anxiety---so it can't be psychosomatic. The D word is lurking more and when I turned on the Aware Show at 1pm, the topic was: Diabetes. Now, none of my horrible disease suspicions ever turned out to be true (brain tumor, brain cancer, AIDS, stomach cancer, bird flu...) but this one... there might be something there. Intuitively speaking. But IF I go to the doctor and turn out to have diabetes, it will be on my permanent record! And the only thing I have to go by is that I'm FAT!. fat fat fat. ugh.
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